Tag Archives: For my daughter

Letter to My Daughter – April, 27 2010

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The Lessons of Blogging

I started this blog for you – I think. It’s not quite what I thought it would be. But that’s not a bad thing.

I had good intentions. However, now it travels in its own direction.  And frankly, I’m not sure what direction that is.

Like a kite ripped from my hands by the wind, it floats away in an unpredictable course – high up there in the blue, its shape almost unrecognizable now.

But I’m enjoying the ride. And learning a lot. Mostly, how strong other people with cystic fibrosis are and how weak I’ve been at times. Perhaps, I always knew this. However, when I coughed up blood last week, I was a little less stressed about it thanks to my new friends.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll keep this up. The realities of CF always seem to overcome me and I go back into hiding and come out with a new identity. We’ll see. It’s strange how you can care about people you’ve never met, but frustrating that you can’t do more to help them.

Be well. Take care of your mother.

Love you both.

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Letter to my daughter – 4/11/10

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I know that if I spent the last 47 years staring at the clock, second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, that each day would have been the same identical measurement of time.  But it didn’t feel that way.

It feels like I took a deep breath when I was 20 and exhaled some time today, or tomorrow or the next day. I wonder where time went and if I used it wisely.  And I know I didn’t.

My number one regret tonight, at this very moment in time, is that I filled my brain with crap and things I wish I hadn’t done.  Only now do I realize that my brain was my receptacle of time with a finite amount of storage.  It can only hold so much in the time that you rent it; I filled it with bad things.  Not all the time.  But more than I would have liked.

I wish I could exchange the junk, such watching episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place,  for better stuff, like really playing the guitar well. I wish I hadn’t done some of the things I did, especially my actions and words that hurt other people.

That’s what I want to share with you tonight: Be choosy about what you put in your head.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or laugh or put silly things in your mind – they are important, too.  Just be careful of putting too much corn syrup up there. Always ask yourself: Is there something better I could be doing right now that will make me happier later in life.

Think longterm, which is something I could not do. I blamed the CF, but it was just me being weak.  I feel like I’m asking you to sacrifice.  I’m not.  Just be choosy, that’s all.  Be choosy. Your brain records time.  And one day you will play back that time in your head.  And you’ll have to live with everything there. There are no do-overs.