Letter to my daughter – 4/11/10

I know that if I spent the last 47 years staring at the clock, second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, that each day would have been the same identical measurement of time.  But it didn’t feel that way.

It feels like I took a deep breath when I was 20 and exhaled some time today, or tomorrow or the next day. I wonder where time went and if I used it wisely.  And I know I didn’t.

My number one regret tonight, at this very moment in time, is that I filled my brain with crap and things I wish I hadn’t done.  Only now do I realize that my brain was my receptacle of time with a finite amount of storage.  It can only hold so much in the time that you rent it; I filled it with bad things.  Not all the time.  But more than I would have liked.

I wish I could exchange the junk, such watching episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place,  for better stuff, like really playing the guitar well. I wish I hadn’t done some of the things I did, especially my actions and words that hurt other people.

That’s what I want to share with you tonight: Be choosy about what you put in your head.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or laugh or put silly things in your mind – they are important, too.  Just be careful of putting too much corn syrup up there. Always ask yourself: Is there something better I could be doing right now that will make me happier later in life.

Think longterm, which is something I could not do. I blamed the CF, but it was just me being weak.  I feel like I’m asking you to sacrifice.  I’m not.  Just be choosy, that’s all.  Be choosy. Your brain records time.  And one day you will play back that time in your head.  And you’ll have to live with everything there. There are no do-overs.

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