I know I’m lucky. The luckiest of the lucky. I see the sand hitting the bottom of the hour glass each day. However, right now, my luck and sense of time feel like a heavy weight crushing me. The frustration I have with my life is wanting to do more with it. Work isn’t going well, as I wrote about in my previous post. And that’s a big part of my mental woes. But it’s more than that.

I have this gift of time and I’m not sure how to make it count, to maximize each minute.

I read an article on happiness and it said that sometimes the pressure of feeling like you have to be happy causes unhappiness. I’m not unhappy. I’m frustrated. Most with CF don’t get what I have. So, perhaps, like happiness, the pressure to make the most of every minute is causing me to be irritated with the time I have and the feeling I’m not doing enough with it.

And then there is trump. Wow. Life makes less sense now than it ever has.



6 thoughts on “Discombobulated

  1. Hey Unknown – I’ve followed you for quite awhile. And I have witnessed your frustration with CF. I am so sorry – I will never know what that chronic condition is like. You are reminded daily of your physical frailties. I know the frustrations of a mind that wishes it had a handier body. I have a couple of years spent in hospitals around the country – so I understand the sadness and a feeling of appreciating the time given, but at the same time the feeling of loss – like I should be doing more. Maybe that’s the way we are motivated – appreciating the sandglass as you say. But like you I’m not so happy with the election. But the election, nor my less than perfect body can stop me from being happy. I have several projects going at all times – and planning many more that now, at 62, I know I will never get to complete. For some reason that makes me happy – knowing that there is more to be done than time allowed. Wishing you a healthy life – and we’ll get past this Trump thing – I hope.

    • Hi, Curt,

      I appreciate your comment more than I can convey in words. It helped a great deal. Sorry to hear you’ve had to spend time in hospitals. They’re the worst. Thanks for sharing that.

      It’s funny how reminding me about lists really helped. I’ve gotten away from them in the last four months and I feel rudderless. Time to start making them again. Don’t know how I forgot about such a simple step in life and one that really helped me.

      I need to get back to remodeling. 🙂 Really, I have a list of a dozen projects to finish. Wasn’t feeling motivated. Once I write them down, I’m pretty good about finishing them.

      Wishing you the best and thanks again for taking the time to lend a helping hand and your thoughts.


  2. Sorry you’re still feeling frustrated. Was wishing it was all much better now but can certainly understand your feelings.

    We should all attempt to live out each day to its fullest, but with everything going on in our lives and the various challenges we face, it’s just not that simple. There are many days that pass and I think, ” I could have done more or taken advantage of an opportunity for some more enjoyment.”

    I sincerely wish there was something magical I could do or say to make it better for you. I just hope it does.

    As far as the trumpster, it will be one insignificant chapter in the great American story. I guess we are destined to live in interesting times.

    The pups? Love and hate relationship. What were we thinking?

    Be well.

    • Hi, Larry,

      Thanks for understanding the frustration and sharing some of what you experience. It’s good to know I’m not alone when it comes to the feeling of doing more during the day.

      Trump. I hope he does okay. However, I’m expecting 4 years of dumpster fires. I’m not reading the news these days and I feel much better. Or not as much news, I should say.

      Ah, those pups. There must be a reason the universe led you to the two of them. At worst you only have a couple more years of it before they mellow out. 🙂 Merlin is a pain some days and continues to jump up on us and bite our heels. We can’t train either annoying habit out of him. Damn herding dog.

      Thanks for sticking with me while I whine and the blog.

      With much gratefulness,


  3. I was a steady lurker before your hiatus. I was just clicking through my blog roll while my cf kid is doing his nebulizer treatments. I’m happy you are blogging again. Sorry that it’s a rough time. It is a strange thing to live in the shadow of illness and death. I comfort myself with a strange thought… at any moment any of us could be hit by a bus. We might not even die from that which worries us most. There is an unpredictability to life that somehow comforts me. I suppose it is a depressing way to find comfort but it works for me. Sending you good thoughts. And I just heard the nebulizer turn off. I’m off to assist with pep mask. Blessings to you.

    • Happy Holidays, Jane,

      Thanks so much for the comment and thoughts. First, always wishing your son the best and hoping for great meds and a cure for him asap.

      I like your thoughts on life and its unpredictability. I like change. I’m just whining lately. Not sure why. I don’t usually. I think this work situation has really thrown me for a loop and the feeling that CF traps me sometimes, mentally (and physically in the hospital). I just have to figure out a solution.

      Wishing you and your family a fantastic holiday season,


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