Category Archives: Dogs

Our Mutt Departs

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We had to put down our 15-year-old mutt recently. I wrote a post about him and his life, but for some reason I couldn’t click the “publish” button.

Everything in the hospital is fair game to write down and share, but the heartbreaking experience of having to say goodbye to 15 years of your life and a dog who protected your family when you were in the hospital or away on business feels too painful.

I was surprised how much this mutt meant to us; we were wrecked. And watching the vet put our dog to rest is something that will never leave me.

We have his ashes and a place picked out in our garden for his burial. Like we did with our chocolate lab, we will pick out a special plant to bury him under. The plant we chose for our lab is beautiful, healthy and flowers purple and white.

My daughter and wife went to the craft store and bought a do-it-yourself stepping stone for him. They placed his dog tags in the center of the wet cement and decorated it with colorful broken glass and dog tokens. This weekend we will have a ceremony for him and sprinkle his ashes in the earth.

We’re talking about adopting another dog. I’m going to fill out the paperwork for a local rescue shelter tonight. It’s sad to look at all of the available dogs online. As no fan of humanity – I’m far from perfect too – it reminds me how wasteful and lazy we can be by not spaying and neutering animals. And for reasons I can’t explain, I keep connecting the buffets we ate at in Vegas last week with animal shelters. There’s a link there. I know it. My shallow mind won’t let me pursue it and go deeper. Or, I just don’t want to examine it.

Life goes on. The clock ticks and tocks. And the earth revolves until it doesn’t.

BREAKING NEWS: Blogger derails in midnight crash

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Mar 10, 7:32 PM EST

By HENRY CHINASKI
Associated Press

LOS ANGELES (AP) – An obscure blogger was injured in a mental derailment in a northern suburb of Los Angeles early this morning. The incident happened at approximately 12:30 a.m. Many details are still unconfirmed at this time. However, KCBS reported on its 9:00 a.m. news broadcast that the blogger was high on M&Ms while blogging late into the evening.

In confirmed witness reports from LAPD, the blogger experienced unusual pains like those of indigestion or heart-related troubles. He also felt anxiety over an upcoming trip to the state of New Jersey and a general sense of worthlessness. Mild hemoptysis is also suspected in adding to the feeling of dread experienced by the blogger.

The mental breakdown comes after weeks of staying up late writing blog posts while running on fumes and anxiety.

Rumors also persist there was constant pain in his back, which may have led to the heightened anxiety throughout the day and leading up to the episode in question.

Two witnesses, a large furry mutt and a lazy yellow Labrador, were on the scene and witnessed some of the events.

“I thought it was odd when he pushed my hindquarters off the couch. But then left within . . . what’s Time again? Well, he walked away soon after whenever,” said the yellow lab, clearly shaken by the behavior of the blogger. “I’m still upset. He does that to me every night. I have the spot. It’s mine. He just takes it like he owns it. Sometimes he grabs me by the collar. I feel bullied. It’s awful. But I still love him. I can’t explain it. He has it. Do I earn a treat for this interview?”

Family members who slept through the nightmarish agony and drama had no comment at this time. However, the furry mutt did provide additional details. “I saw him with his head in his hands for a long time. I was worried. Then he ate something small and round and drank some water,” added the mutt. “Later he went back to his couch and fell asleep. But he didn’t look so good this morning. Maybe it was bad kibble? It can happen. Eat some grass, that’s what I tried to tell him. He never listens.”

Though the blogger himself had no comment when the AP contacted him by phone, it was reported by KABC that he fell asleep at his desk several times today and felt lousy.

Unconfirmed reports indicate he stood on his front lawn at approximately noon today waiting for a meteor to fall on his head and crush him. However, AP sources have yet to confirm whether his wish was granted. No meteor sightings were reported in Los Angeles today.

According to both dogs, he ingested at least 200 M&Ms of various colors this afternoon in an effort to recapture his work “mojo.” A source who asked not to be identified confirmed the plan failed.

AP will continue to monitor the situation and bring you live updates should events warrant.

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A new dog or not?

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It feels like when I’m not eating or sleeping or sitting at the computer with a nebulizer, I’m buying something or thinking about buying something. Truth be told, I do buy stuff when I have a neb in my mouth, which makes sleep and meals the times I don’t? I can’t even guarantee that. Curse you, consumeristic country I live in. My value as a human can only be measured by how much I buy.

I digress.

As you may know, I spent over two months searching for a used car. Now the big decision is getting a new dog. I want one.

We have a lab and a rescued mutt. The grateful mutt is a chow mix and has some serious guard dog, bite your ass and never let it go, in him. I like that. Problem is, he’s around 14-years old and the gas and growl are going out of his tank. He can’t hear anymore, which downgrades his guard dog status to “if you step on me at night, I’ll notice.”

So, I want a dog with some physical clout – the looks and size to make anyone back away. And the ears to hear intruders coming a mile away. Oh, and the internal drive to remove their flesh should they try to harm my family while I’m lounging in a hospital room on the other side of the city getting my daily rub down. Or, if a brick falls from the sky and takes me out for good, I’d like to know my family is in good paws when I’m gone.

I’m thinking German Shepherd.

They're cute when they're 30 pounds

Although I’ve had dogs my entire life and believe myself to be a capable trainer, as is my wife, I’m not sure I have the energy to raise and train one of these powerhouse dogs capable of delivering serious hurt. I’ve had one bad dog bite in my life when I crossed through a neighbor’s yard and couldn’t outrun their dog. Yes, it was a German Shepherd and yes it did bite me in the ass, tearing away the entire backside of my white short-short tennis shorts. I have a healthy respect for these dogs after the embarrassment and hurt the one that chased me down delivered.

Labs are easy. Run them in the morning, give them a few carrots and feed them at night and bingo, bango bongo, they do what you say and love you. A German Shepherd is different. They are finely tuned with instincts to protect. You have to be careful not to send them the wrong signals lest you want to bury your neighbor in your backyard late one night because your new dog Fritzkrieg ripped open his throat when he held up a pair garden shears to wave hello. Oops, bad dog. You can kill a 200-pound man with your teeth, but you can’t handle a shovel? What good are you?

The discussion continues in my house. Any bets on how long it will take to make this decision?

The Labrador Print

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I have this hanging on my wall. It reminds me of the lab I used to have.

I heart labs. Yes, I admit it. I do. And I’m not embarrassed to share my deepest feelings about them here on my blog.

I’ve had labs most of my life. A couple of black ones when I grew up. And a chocolate lab who lived 15 years and survived a rattlesnake bite, the eating of several pounds of Hawaiian chocolate (the fact she swallowed them whole with wrappers on saved her life), a bad reaction to a medication for arthritis, and the first shot the vet gave her to end her life. She fought to the last possible moment when the vet, red-faced, had to inject a second dose.

Now we have a yellow lab, which was supposed to be a black lab, but my wife and daughter used mind control on me when we visited the breeder looking at puppies. Somehow we left with a deposit on a yellow. To this day, I’m not sure how that happened, how I gave in to them on that decision. But when I look at the four-year-old yellow lab sleeping at my feet, I’m glad I did. She’s perfect.

But that’s not why I’m writing this post.

Why I’m writing it is because I have three framed prints of Labradors in my office. Two of them are paintings of hunting labs, manly dogs. But then there’s a third poster – one slightly off-kilter. There are no shotguns in the painting, no testosterone-laced hunting scene in the background to make me feel better. I look at it and wonder: What was I thinking when I picked out that one? I thought it was a good use of my money? Really? I fear digging too deep in my memories to dredge up any deep thoughts about its purchase. I understand the simple theme of it: Lab pups dreaming about growing up into adult labs.

Ebony and Ivory - can't you just hear that song playing in your head all it the time. I do.

But most of all I wonder about myself and who I was when I saw it in a catalog and felt the overwhelming need to use what money I had at the time and order it. I look back on my life now and thing of the all the cash I’m spent on stuff I had to have, much of it discarded or something you’d sell at a garage sale for a couple of dollars. I struggle with the question of value and consumerism all the time.

But now I look at the print of the two labs again and I can feel the testosterone draining from my pores.  I like the print. It makes me feel warm inside like when I drink hot chocolate and wrap myself up in a quilt and read the latest trashy romance novel. Hmm, that sounds good. Ooh, I have goosey bumps just thinking about it. How sweet it is.

I HAVE LOST MY MIND. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. DAMN, THIS BAG OVER MY HEAD GETS HOT.

Sorry, I plead momentary insanity. That is the power the print has over people. Question it not.

Here’s something more embarrassing. I used to own a Labrador t-shirt with an image of a large chocolate lab head on it and “Chocolate Labrador” printed under it, as if one wouldn’t recognize the disembodied head of a lab. I think it went to Goodwill several years ago. I won’t be surprised if sometime in the future when I’m homeless and pushing my shopping cart down Ventura Blvd, black lab on a rope next to my side, I’ll see a fellow man of the streets pushing his cart toward me. He’ll be wearing my old lab T-shirt. And we’ll give each other a nod like only dudes do. No words will leave our lips, but we’ll know. Yeah, we love labs. Yes, yes we do.