What keeps me up at night

I believe we make our own luck, but that doesn't mean it's not fragile and fleeting.

I believe we make our own luck, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fragile and fleeting.

For a long time it was stress and the fear of not waking up. Now, it’s something else. When I finally figured it out, it surprised me – a lot.

It’s luck.

Yes, luck, and thinking how lucky I am to have everything I have. A great and caring wife, a perfectly imperfect daughter, 1,850 sq. ft of house, with equity, black and yellow labradors, good friends, a job.

Life hasn’t always been this way for me. But it has been lately.

I am grateful for having so much in a world growing hotter every year, filled with too many people living in poverty, and too many people who believe they never have enough, though I can’t exclude myself from that last category many days. I’m surrounded by daily reminders of great wealth in Los Angeles: McMansions, 100K+ cars, and an environment where my daughter counted how many kids in her class brought MacBook Pros to school, making her inexpensive ASUS seem inferior, though I will be speaking to her that it’s not the computer that matters, it’s what you do with it.

But what keeps me up nights is thinking about how lucky I am and how I could have it so much worse than I do. And wondering when I will.

4 thoughts on “What keeps me up at night

  1. UC,
    I hope your luck and contentment will last a long, long time. You do indeed have much to be grateful for with what you’ve mentioned and I do agree in your belief that we make our own luck. Might need to spread some of that luck to your Dodgers when they meet the Braves in October..but not too much.

    Sleep well.

    • Larry,

      Thank you for the best luck wishes. I do not think the Dodgers will need much luck to beat the Braves, though I do think it will be a great series. And then it’s off to the World Series for the boys in blue. Yep, I have it all planned out. Not much you can do about it. So, enjoy the season.


  2. This post spoke to me. Wow, it’s like you’re in my brain. I’m so stinkin’ lucky. I truly have everything that money can’t buy (except for perfect health), and enough of what money can buy. Yet, I can’t help but feel anxiety about what would happen if tragedy struck or things just fell apart. If things aren’t always this great. Anxiety can suck it! I relate.

    Stay Well!

    • Stacey,

      I like hearing from you, as I miss your blog. Glad the two of us are on a the same wavelength and it’s not just me alone. I also wonder if CF hasn’t forced us to this position. We’re so used to the potential that we’ll wake up one day and the shit will hit the fan and we’ll be in the hospital by evening that same day. So, when things go well for periods of time, we start to get nervous.

      Stay in touch. Did you read my post on Fab? You’re a parent, what do you think? I’d like to know. Was I being too protective?


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