I guess this has been going on for a while, but really long receipts drive me nuts.
I wonder how many trees take a fall each year to make them. Did someone from the logging community suggest this to companies? “Hey, email is killing us. How about making receipts excessively long to make up for it?”
In the picture below is one receipt that deserved to be 17.5-inches long, as it includes the groceries we purchased for the week (and getting through that week wouldn’t be possible without two boxes of chocolate-covered gummi bears).
37 items in the shorter receipt. 9 items in the long receipt, if you count the 4 sprays of balloon juice. Oh, and the 4 identical balloons. So, really, three different items.
My favorite item on the short receipt is “battered halibut.” I love this name. Someone has a sense of humor at Sprouts. This is the fish half of “fish and chips,” not something hit repeatedly with heavy blows, though who knows what the fishermen did to it when it was caught. It’s possible it was netted by really angry fisherman and spouted off in its fish-way with some attitude, “Kiss my fish tail, ugly humans, for ripping me out of my cozy, cold Atlantic home.” Fishermen to rude halibut: “Batter that fish until it shuts up, men.”
The second receipt, Party City, was for balloons for my wife for Mother’s Day, because nothing says “love” like helium-filled rubber. Not only did Party City give me this super-long 21.5-inch receipt for purchasing five balloons and four sprays of a chemical to keep the rubber ones healthy for more than a day, they delivered what I would call “less-than-friendly” customer service. Yes, the employees who worked at this location appeared to be “less than enthused” about working Sunday morning after a fun Saturday night of beer pong, Xbox, and borrowing the Party City helium tank to speak in mouse-like voices.
Nothing says “torture” for kids in their early 20s quite like filling up and tying 100s of balloons before the clock strikes noon (the latter action would be enough to make me go mad if I worked there for more than a day, as tying balloons is an action I’ll have to repeat for eternity when I’m working 24-hour days in Hell).
So there you have it, a tale of two receipts. And, yes, I’m quite mad.
The Unknown Cystic 
Dear Madman of LAShire,
I agree with you about the receipts, I guess what really winds me up is all the offers they print on them for stock that no one has ever or will ever buy!
If your talking fish & chips there is only one combination worth considering and that is haddock & chips with mushy peas and plenty of salt & vinegar on it. When you visit you’ll see what I mean. After all Grimsby was once the busiest fishing port in the world.
Sir Sean
Madman of Englandshire,
Sorry to break it to you, but my daughter and I like the Halibut better than the Haddock. It’s not that we don’t like Haddock, but it’s not as good. I don’t like peas either.
Regarding the receipts, I agree that they usually have information on them I’m not interested in.
Hope you and the girls are doing well. Why are you always sleeping in the photos posted on Facebook?
BTW, I’m going to give my wife your email. My daughter wants to visit England one day and I’d like her to meet you and the girls. Just in case I’m not around I want my wife to know how to reach you. And perhaps I’ll have her visit our Friend in southern England too. But you’re a must visit for her.
UC
1) I agree – hate long receipts. There is a funny stand up comedian sketch about this (his name is escaping me, but he says “why do we need a receipt for a donut? I should be able to hand you a dollar, you hand me a donut, transaction completed. What am I going to do with this donut receipt? File it under D for donut?”
2) This conversation with seanset leads me to believe that a) you are on facebook, which I thought you didn’t like and b) someone knows your identity. Fascinating.
Liz,
I am on Facebook, but not on Facebook. I look at it once a month. I can live without it. Mostly, it contains photos of Sir Sean sleeping on a couch. Stuff like that. It really doesn’t get more exciting.
BTW, there are no pictures of me there.
UC
I fully agree with being annoyed by long receipts. It happens every time I grocery shop… and I don’t buy that many things at the same time. I am also annoyed when they hand me the super long reciept AND like 3 or 4 printed coupons. Save paper people!
Daisy,
I agree: save paper. Glad I’m not the only one thinking this when it comes to super-long receipts. Thanks for the visit and comment. Much appreciated.
UC
We like mad you, provides the rest of us with many, many moments of amusement!