What’s the right thing to do when old friends resurface?

This photo has nothing to do with this post. I'm tired and accidentally hit Publish. I like this photo because it looks like Cali is an android dog and ready to shoot her laser eyes. That's the best I have tonight. Why did I sign up for post a day 2011?

Everything happens in threes doesn’t it? Even when friends pop up after disappearing for a decade. For me, three did just this recently, in the span of a couple of months.

Before I married my wife, while I was in college, I rented a room from a very nice, highly intelligent woman who didn’t like living alone. We were friends and then I moved in. When I got hitched, I moved out, of course. And I haven’t spoked to her in . . . 11 years?

I picked up a message on our machine six weeks ago. So, I called her and we had a great conversation. She was glad I was still alive and surprised to find out we had a daughter and that I had something to do with it. Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?

So, we ended the conversation with her promising to call me back in a few weeks after she returned from a business trip to New York, and we’d all get together and she’d meet my daughter.

I haven’t heard back. I guess I satisfied her curiosity that I was still alive. Yes, even I’m surprised I’m alive but I’m not going to call her. It was clear she would contact me.

Experience grade: C-

A woman I worked with years ago – 10, 11 years ago – emailed me and said she’d be in town and asked if she could buy me dinner. Sure, though I hesitated because it meant leaving the house and wearing normal business clothes. But as it got closer, I looked forward to it.

We met for dinner. And it was nice. She’s doing work for the company I work for and I provided her with three pages of notes of ideas. And we relived war stories when we were on the road doing events and the long days standing on our feet.

Experience grade: A

My wife handed me a lime green envelope Monday. A male friend I haven’t seen for about, yes, wait for it, 10 or 11 years, sent me a snail-mail card with his contact information. And inside it he included a photo of an attractive asian woman standing next to him in a casino. I had to open it away from my wife’s curious eyes to make sure it wasn’t something R rated. It wasn’t.

So, what do I do? Do I contact my old friend? I like him. But he kind of disappeared. Why did he pop up now? Curiosity about what?

There are times when I search old friends online, which I did over the years for the friend who mailed me. However, I didn’t reach out to him. And I don’t know if I will now. It’s hard enough to see the friends we have.

I haven’t replied and I’m not sure I will.

Experience grade: TBD

8 thoughts on “What’s the right thing to do when old friends resurface?

  1. I would definitely contact him, but I’m curious and nosy (so says my hubby) so that’s just me. For you? I guess wait and see if he contacts you again, if he’s that eager, maybe there’s a worthwhile reason to give it your time!

    PS I am glad that you are ‘alive’ for the meeting this the ex-roommate and would hope that she was catching up out of interest in your and your life more than astonishment that you are still around!! Hopefully she follows through with her promise and restores your faith a little 🙂

    • Karyn,

      “Contact him” seems to be the leading suggestion. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

      The ex-roommate not calling back yet is a bummer. I had looked forward to it and letting her meet my daughter. Plus, I hate it when people don’t do what they say. It’s not like I called her. I don’t get it. Maybe she’s busy and plans on calling.

      Thanks for the comment and thoughts.


  2. Just out of curiousity…is it because he is a guy? You contacted the other two friends…women? So is there something about this guy that you are unsure about? I agree, contacting those from our history can be a moment of pause. Some you want to and others are left in … well… history. : )

    • JRP,

      That’s a very interesting point. I don’t think it’s because he’s a guy, but I will admit I do like women. So, maybe there is something to your point. But there’s probably more to it I’m not admitting to, as I’ve been busy working this week and haven’t given it the thought needed to make a decision. It’s easy to push off and deal with other more pressing issues.

      Thanks for making me think.


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