Visit to my GI doctor

I went to see my gastro doctor today. I’m so used to going to clinic with a mask and gloves on it felt strange going “naked” to a non-CF doctor with patients in the waiting room not worried about bacteria. I still took precautions by taking my own pen to sign in with, and I used my shirt to open every door. Afterall, it is an office with patients who may have c-diff, which is something I hope I never get again.

The nurse made me wear a paper gown, which could have been 120-grit sandpaper. I should have written “Von’s” on it since it fell like a grocery bag.

When the doctor went to shake my hand, I put my elbow out and told him I might be coming down with a cold. Bad move on my part. Later in the exam, he thought that some of the chest pain might be from the cold. I had to backpedal a bit and tell him I wasn’t sure if I had the cold yet, and we should ignore it as a possible cause. I reminded him I was being cautious because I didn’t want to give it to him and have him give it to his patients WHEN HE SHAKES THEIR HANDS.

Doctors need to drop hand-shaking. Shaking hands comes in second on the list of ways to catch sh** you don’t want, right behind French kissing with open sores in your mouth.

Dr. Gastro wants to do an endoscopy and colonoscopy on me. Argh, argh, argh. Last time he put me under it took forever to regain my lung function. Something about the anesthesia gets to my breathing. More embarrassing last time was when I was just about to go nighty night, I started telling the anesthesiologist how good looking he was. True story. When I woke up he had written his phone number on my stomach.

I’m just kidding about the phone number part, but I wish I was making up the part about going on and on about his good looks. I’m not. It’s embarrassing to think about, but the guy did look like a frigging model.

Regarding the potential procedures, I told the doc that I’d have to speak to my CF doc and get back to him. I’m thinking that the next time I’m on IVs they can do the tests in the hospital. The IVs may help prevent me from losing my air for awhile. We’ll see. Regardless, I don’t want to do those tests, as the potential results scare me.

If only I had a coupe of fistulas on my body. Dr. Gastro could have opened them up and looked inside me, squeezed my intestines and rubbed my colon – all while I sat there and watched.

Oh, cows in Texas with holes in your body, will you ever leave my thoughts?

Stay well.

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6 thoughts on “Visit to my GI doctor

  1. Ahhh…the things we say while in the throws of anesthetics. …

    Unfortunately, I have a few stories of my own in that regard. Perhaps, they’ll make the blog some day when I’m hard up for material or in need of some self-deprecating humor. Tomorrow perhaps? 🙂 Just kidding.

    I TOTALLY AGREE about the hand shaking thing! It boggles my mind that these medical professionals often shake my hand while looking directly at one of those “STOP THE SPREAD OF GERMS” posters. Ummm….Ummm…

    Peaceful things, Unknown. I’m thinking powerful thoughts for you, my friend.

    • That’s funny about the poster. How right you are. I never understand shaking hands in the hospital and don’t do it. I’ll shake hands at clinic with my doctor because he puts on a fresh pair of gloves and I have gloves on. It’s okay that way.

      I have a ton of posts to write about the idiotic things I’ve done. Not happy with a lot of them. I wish I had a time machine.

      Thanks for the powerful thoughts. Things are better tonight. My stomach was wrecked this morning. Somehow a combination of Nexium, probiotics and M&Ms has fixed it. I hope it holds up in the morning.

      UC

  2. My GI doc gives some anesthetic throat spray plus something like Xanax to make you relax for endoscopies. I didn’t have that the last time, but it was on the pre-op brochure and I didn’t know I was getting an iv anesthetic til right before. Maybe he can do that for you. Most normal people aren’t fully anesthisized for colonoscopies either. Just given some “happy” medicine. Or you could just get a fistula installed next time you’re in the hospital…

    • I asked him about doing that. He made it sound like it never happens with any patients. I think this guy needs to get up to speed with new methods. Or, I need to learn the art of sword swallowing, then break into his office and steal the equipment and do it myself. That’s a good plan. It’s your fault if I get busted.

      I need a fistula in my head so I can watch the marbles roll around in there.

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