Speaking to my daughter’s future self

I hope there is a God so one day I can thank her for my daughter.

Kicking back at the beach with a yellow Labrador pillow.

How I got so lucky, I will never know. But I did. And it’s best not to question why.

I’ll also thank the Universe for my wife, too, because I won the marriage lotto. And, as a jackpot bonus, she contributed all the best genes and qualities to my daughter, especially the love, goodness, and kindness – because our 5th grader didn’t get any of those from me.

I’m the guy with the low opinion of humanity who thinks the world is going to collapse under the weight of billions of people with resources to support millions. No matter how much ketchup you use, you can’t eat an iPhone or iPad, or fish from a poisoned ocean.

But there in the middle of the madness is my daughter, bright, shiny, ready to join the ride I’ll be getting off of soon. And it’s everything we can do to keep her from harm, especially the self-inflicted kind. It’s almost as if the important talks we have with her now anticipate that she will become someone else, someone different from her 10-year-old self.  We speak to her future self, which feels a bit sci-fi like, and hope what we tell her sticks, and she remembers it when needed years from now.

We have conversations about alcohol and drugs: One day a friend will offer you drugs, someone you never expected (disbelief from daughter). What will you do?  If your friend drinks too much at a party and wants to drive you home, will you remember to call us? We’ll pick you up. No judgment. 

When she is a teenager, will she still love us? That’s a question my wife and I ask ourselves a lot. I’m not as concerned. I’m just not. I can only do so much.

But now that my daughter is almost 11, I’m feeling sentimental and a little bit . . . scared?

I read too many news stories about harm coming to women. I used to worry about our cabinet doors being secure and the bumper around the coffee table being in place, or wearing her helmet while biking. The stuff I worry about now feels more real, harder to see, like it’s waiting outside, lurking – a jungle filled with scummy people, losers, and criminals. We can prepare her, coach her, but in that moment when she in on her own one day, what can we do?

Our neighbor’s adult daughter has a drug problem and history with the police. We use her as the poster child of what not to do with your life. But I still wonder what happened to her. What signs did the parents miss? What mistakes did they make? How did she go from bright, bubbly toddler to living in her car and homeless? How did that happen? And what can we do to make sure it doesn’t happen to our daughter?

So, what does the future hold for our daughter? Will we prepare her properly to succeed in the world? I’m in no hurry to find out.

4 thoughts on “Speaking to my daughter’s future self

  1. John,

    First of all, I really, really like the picture! Can certainly see the love there from both sides. And what better way to relax?

    Secondly, I can feel from your posts that you and your wife are doing the right things in raising your daughter properly by providing a really good home life with lots of love and setting the right examples. It’s not easy I know, but somehow and someway you have to trust that all will be well with all that you have done.

    Happy Thanksgiving, my friend, to you and yours!!


    • Larry,

      She has been using that labrador as a pillow since they were both a lot younger.

      Thanks for your vote of confidence about raising our daughter. My wife gets all the credit. I’m faking my way through life.

      Happy holidays to you and your family.


  2. These are the same questions that keep me up at night. You do what you can now and hope they don’t get involved with the wrong crowd or make that one poor decision that can never be reversed. This parenting stuff can be just as stressful ad it is rewarding. Who knew?!?!

    • Stacey,

      You’re right about this parenting stuff being stressful. Glad I leave it all to my wife. Even my daughter reads the parenting magazines. I ask her for advice. We’re the backwards family. I hope you’re doing well. With your blog down, it’s hard to know. I can only imagine. Sending good CA vibes to cloudy Ohio.


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