The Dog Couch

My daughter tells her friends I sleep on the couch. A couple of parents have overheard her. “Oh, she’s so funny,” they say. “Is your wife mad at you? Did you misbehave again?”

Yes, I misbehaved, ha, ha, ha, ha. I’m being punished.

But not by my wife. I have my buddy CF to thank for my exile.

Cystic fibrosis has given me the amazing superpower to sleep anywhere, except flat on a bed. Give me $5 Walmart pillow and a couch, chair, tub, wheel well of an old pick-up truck, or dumpster full of McGriddle wrappers and I’m good to go.

It’s been over 9 years since I’ve slept prone, even in a hospital. The wonderful tag team of GERD and hemoptysis has forced me to sleep upright on a couch. And that’s what I do, sleep on a couch. But not just any couch.

I sleep on the dog couch.

And a dog sleeps with me. As well as three princesses who keep me warm at night. It’s magical.

I place an old ottoman next to the couch for my legs because the pup sleeps at one end and takes up my foot space.

If I weren’t so cheap, I’d buy another couch. However, this couch has sentimental value. It’s the one my daughter puked on five or six times when she had the stomach flu. Oh, the memories. The special smell. The stains. The trip to the weekend Pediatric ER for a fluids I.V.

How could I ever get rid of it?

I love this couch. And this couch loves me.

Ladies, sorry to keep you waiting. I'm here. Sleeping with me may commence this minute.

Here's my sleeping buddy taking an afternoon siesta. (Does she look familiar, L?)

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11 thoughts on “The Dog Couch

  1. I thought you would have been sleeping in the Volvo by now, come on dude you spent long enough finding it! Now spend some time with her, these Swedish cars need a lot of affection πŸ˜‰ BTW I hope you’ve not filled up all her available space with empty Mcgriddle & M&M wrappers?
    I hope your coping alright with your domestic duties while your wife is away and you have let your daughter play with the ipad instead of doing her schoolwork.

    • Sean of Englandshire,

      Swedish cars do need a lot of affection – and repairs. Had to bring it in today for a leak. Argh. There’s no eating allowed in that car, even McGriddles, food of the gods.

      I don’t do any domestic duties. The house is a mess. Told my daughter she could sleep until noon today, but she got up at 6:30. Missed her chance.

      UC

  2. Like the pictures, love the captions, but nine years on the couch?
    I don’t believe it. What about talking before bed? Cuddling? Conjugal rights? No wonder you’re tired and grouchy.
    Have you tried stacking pillows? The dog’s cute, but I’m certain your wife is cuter.

    • Lizi,

      I’m cracking up reading your comment, in a good way. It’s short but requires a lot of long answers. My wife is in bed at 9. I go to sleep at midnight. I wished we lived in the 1950s when we both walked over to our two sinks, brushed our teeth, and went to bed at the same time. My 90 to 120-minutes of treatments at night makes it hard. On weekends, she falls asleep watching the movie.

      I can’t stack pillows on a bed as well as a couch because I slide down the hard bed. The couch has a scoop effect to it and I stay in place. It’s much softer. We are thinking of mortgaging our house to get a Tempur-pedic bed with the individual sides that raise like hospital beds. That would be nice.

      I’m not sure how many of my posts you’ve read, and I happy you’ve read any of them, but do you really think of me as a cuddler? I’m not sure my wife is either. We both work. Our daughter is an only child and requires twice the attention of two kids. Life is work.

      Tired and grouchy, huh? That comment makes me grouchy. πŸ™‚ I’m not tired and grouchy. I’m happy and sad mixed in a big ball of dough and covered in nuts.

      Thanks for the smile you put on my face with this comment. I knew you’d like the pup.

      UC

  3. Wow, that dog is our dog’s doppleganger. Either that or, half of all yellow labs look exactly the same. And have weight issues.

    I have the pefect sleeping solution – two couches facing each other. That’s a lot cheaper than one of those fancy hospital beds. Plus, those beds always smell like plastic and rubbing alcohol. With a couch, on the other hand, you can always “dial” in your preferred firmness and smell. Punch cushions as much as needed, invite dog to roll around, spill your choice of alcoholic beverage and voila, you have your own customized sleeping unit, and for a fraction of the price.

    • S, husband of L,

      I know why the two of you are perfect for each other. You just fit. I can tell from the comments.

      First, our lab is not fat. She is cut like an athlete because she runs 10 miles a week. So there. πŸ™‚ Never insult the lab.

      Two couches? Won’t that cost twice as much as one couch? L better start selling some of those Hipstamatic photos and send me some cash to pay for your idea. Who owns two couches put together? The only person I can think of is Hugh Hefner. Hmm, on second thought, have L send me the cash tomorrow. BTW, it would not surprise me if you and L tried pushing all of your furniture together this weekend for a furniture fiesta. Yep, I bet you will. I can’t wait to read her post. Oh, and when are you going to do a guest post on her blog? I think we need a reality check from you about what life is like with L. There’s the title of your blog for you – Life with Lizitata.

      UC

  4. My fave is the princess comforter. Uber sexy.
    We actually had to get a fancy bed about 3 years ago with the individual sides that raise b/c chris can’t sleep flat either. Our couch doesnthave a scoop effect or else we would have gone that route. but I might consider throwing an old princess blanket on him just to achieve the sexy effect.

    • Liz,

      One day, I realized I’d been using my daughter’s princess comforter. Thought about it for minute and went on with my life and the use of her comforter.

      Sounds like Chris is in a similar boat with sleeping upright. It’s not uncommon. I read about others having to do it to. You need to get him his own comforter, something with the same nuttiness as the Princesses, but different. Wonder Woman? It wouldn’t be bad sleeping with her.

      UC

  5. Pingback: I experience a perfect day | The Unknown Cystic

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