The blood monster returns

Friday morning I woke up with quite a surprise – a mouthful of blood, which was quite a shock considering the two recent embolizations I had. I am not able to articulate how I felt. I can only say that in that moment was everything I hate about this disease. It was the punch to the gut, hope ripped away, plans destroyed, a hospitalization with more tests, more risks, and a life interrupted. All at once.

I knew then I should have called the doctor to be admitted, but I asked for his permission to start cirpo. Granted. The blood came that day. Over 120 cc. There were times I worried that it wouldn’t clot. But I held out, as I’m not the brightest light in the pack.

Saturday morning was better with less blood. I was hopeful. Then it broke open again and again, coming out my nose at times from the force. Paged the doctor on call. Time to go in. I let my wife drive, which tells you how serious it was. When I arrived in the lobby and checked in with Admitting, it broke open again and I received a Fast Pass to my room. A towel full of blood is the price of a quick admit.

So, here I sit in the hospital on a Monday night, separated from my pack, thankful I am alive, but hating cystic fibrosis more than ever. I am in complete disbelief that the blood returned so quickly. This isn’t happening. When do I wake up from this nightmare?

There is good news – the blood is dissipating. But is that good news for the long term? How long after I get out before it happens again? Will my streak of never being in the hospital over the Christmas holiday be broken? We’ll see. First, I have to get out of here alive. I don’t assume anything anymore with this demon of a disease. I can only hope and be thankful for any days at home I have left with my wife and daughter.

10 thoughts on “The blood monster returns

  1. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I would totally feel sucker-punched. I’m so sorry. Very sorry to hear this. Don’t let them dither around for days to take action this time!
    Praying for you.

    • Yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeessssssss. :-).

      I can’t believe it happened again. My doc is coming to see me today. I’ll be talking to him about the inferior process for embolizations. Frustrating.

  2. I feel sucker punched, I cant even begin to imagine how you must feel. Hold on my friend. hugs, love, light, and prayers for you and your California girls….thinking of you lots! All of my best, always. ~j

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