Fox’s Communications Tips: Speaking to RTs

Grrrrrr,

Dreaming of Princesses

Fox here. I’m hung over and irritable because I loaned my nurses to a blogging buddy and he’s not returning my calls. I hope my team comes back in time for my midnight dose.

I’ve spent the day deep in thought about Unknown’s problems in the hole last week. I’ve boiled it down to communications, meaning crappy verbal skills on the part of Unknown.

So, I thought I might share a lesson I gave his highness on how to communicate better with RTs. Here are the role-plays I designed for him.

Lesson 1: “It’s all in the wrist”

RT gives you a med you don’t take

RT: Hi. I’ve got your Pulmozyme.
Fox: I’ve got your Pulmozyme, too.
RT: What?
Fox: Yeah, I got it right here.
[Fox sticks paw in pocket. Pulls paw out flipping the RT the bird]
Fox: See, here it is, and it says F U Pulmozyme on it.
RT: How dare you.
Fox: How dare you, SIR, for bringing me a medicine I don’t take.
RT: It’s in the chart.
Fox: That chart needs to go up the person’s ass who added Pulmozyme to it.
RT: There’s no need to speak like that.
Fox: Since when is “ass” a bad word?  Is it because there’s a chart sticking out of the ass? Does that make it bad? It’s because of the image it creates, isn’t it? Chart hanging out of ass, that sort of thing. Would it be better if the Pulmozyme was sticking out of someone’s ass?
RT: [leaving quickly] You’re crazy. I’m leaving.
Fox: You go ahead and do that. I’ll be here hyperventilating because you almost killed me with the wrong medicine.

Lesson 2, version A: “Liar Liar, pants on fire”

RT shows up late with your morning meds and you’re caught red-handed doing your own

RT: You’re already doing your meds?
Fox: Yep.
RT: Where did they come from?
Fox: [lying] The other RT brought them
RT: The other RT?
Fox: Yeah, the other one. He looked like you, but different. He was bald
RT: When was this? Bald?
Fox: Not too long ago. No, he had blonde hair.
RT: You said he was bald.
Fox: I was wrong. He had black hair.
RT: What? Did you get his name?
Fox: Whose name?
RT: The other RT.
Fox: What other RT?
RT: The one that just brought you the meds.
Fox: Oh, that one. I don’t know. I don’t work here. Don’t you guys know each other?
RT: I don’t know who it could be.
Fox: He had a limp.
RT: A limp? We don’t have anyone with a limp.
Fox: [holds the neb away from his mouth like poison] You have me worried now, man! This could be rat poison delivered by a bald guy with one leg. Who brought me these meds? Was it a real RT? Are these the correct meds? I’m feeling light-headed.
RT: It’s okay. No need to panic. I probably missed it in the chart.
Fox: Oh, okay. Yeah, it’s probably in the chart.
RT: I bet it’s in the chart.
Fox: Charts are never wrong. [crying] Would you mind leaving me alone now? This has been very stressful.
RT: Sure. Sorry about the confusion.
Fox: Okay. I probably won’t file a complaint this time.
RT: Thanks.
Fox: [stops crying] Do me a favor, would ya? On your way out, slide my beer keg against the wall. People keep bumping into it. Thanks. You’re the man.

Lesson 2, version B: “Message from a friend”

RT shows up late with your morning meds and you’re caught red-handed doing your own

RT: You’re already doing your meds?
Fox: No.
RT: What?
Fox: [throws the covers over his head and tries to hide]
RT: [pulls the covers off] You’re doing your meds. I see you.
Fox: No, I’m not. And you don’t see me.
RT: You’re not? But I’m talking to you?
Fox: I’m not and you’re not talking to me.
RT: What are you doing?
Fox: Being invisible.
RT: But you’re still inhaling meds.
Fox: You call them meds. I don’t.
RT: Aren’t they?
Fox: No, it’s beer.
RT: You’re inhaling beer?
Fox: Yep. Yes, I am.
RT: Are you kidding?
Fox: Nope. Would you like some? I’m seeing two of you right now.
RT: You can’t inhale beer.
Fox: I can’t. Sure tastes like Old Milwaukee to me.  Ring, ring, ring. Hold on, someone’s calling. [pretends to pick up and answer an imaginary phone with his paw] Hello, CG. Yes, the RT is right here. [to the RT] It’s Cystic Gal.
RT: Who?
Fox: Cystic Gal. And she has a message for you.
RT: What message?
Fox: She says, “Suck it, UPS driver. Suck it.” That’s classic, CG, Dude. What a mouth she’s got when she’s pissed. And she’s pissed at you, lucky fella. [laughs his fox ass off]

I'm CG's cat and I say "Meow it."

That’s it for tonight. These examples should help old Unknown communicate better the next time he blows a gasket.

Party like it’s your last.

Fox out.

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12 thoughts on “Fox’s Communications Tips: Speaking to RTs

  1. I’m literally laughing out loud and giggling and don’t know what I like more, “suck it,” the picture of Mrs. Beckster (my cat), or Fox pantomiming answering the phone when it’s ME calling. Hilarious! So much to love!

    PS Can you tell that the Beckster believes I invested in that new bedding not because of my stupid bipap time and pre n post transplant beddy status, but because she needed a nice place to fuzz up?

    Okay I just decided, best part of this blog entry:

    “Fox: Charts are never wrong. [crying]”

    bwaahahaahahahah

    • I’ll let Fox know you liked the post, CG. I laughed reading your comment. You and Fox have become quite the pair. Every since you called him a rock star, his head won’t fit in the room. Go to bed. You stay up later than I do.

  2. LOL!I cant relate from the med end of it, but as a nurse, Fox would be my fav patient. I love the ones who give me a hard time and keep me on my toes! hahahahahaha.

  3. omg. right now i am writing about communication skills with professionals. i have decided i will throw away all of my work and use your guides instead. holy cow, you are hil. are. e. ous.
    🙂 thanks for the laugh.

  4. Brilliant piece of writing. A bit uncouth for Beautiful’s eyes, but brilliant, nonetheless. It’s ALMOST enough to make me want to spend 2 or 3 days in the can to re-live those horrible experiences and come up with some fresh material of my own. 😉

    • CFF,

      Wow. Thanks. Nice of you to say. I hope you never have to go in a hospital again. I can’t imagine you in one, though I do think they could use the ass-kicking you would give them. They would understand the word “process” by the end of your stay and each would have their own Word Press blog designed by you, no doubt. 🙂

      UC

      • That’s pretty much how it goes in the ER when I’m there. By the time I’m done with them, they have a clear understanding about who gets listened to when a straight male comes in with his wife asking for a 1/2″ tube shoved up his ***** and filled with 1/2 gallon of warm gastrografin.

        You give the dude 2ccs of morphine, take an x-ray, and pump the sh*t out of him from the back end. I swear I could be in and out in 45 minutes if I could go about my business gathering the supplies and scheduling the gastro radiologist before shift change.

        Oh, look! He was in here 6 weeks ago with the same problem, asked for the same treatment, and he ***********************. Twice.

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