Post Battle Blues – Please add to the list

Post not sponsored by Old Milwaukee (though it should be based on my consumption of their product the last three days)

[CF Fatboy’s guest post is in the comment section. Watch out, it burns.]

Feeling tired today from the battle with @cysticgal. It could just be the cipro, day 7, or the Old Milwaukee, bottle 7.

I wish we had added number 11 to the blog throwdown:

11) Describe the perfect hospital stay.

My first answer would be: Not going at all. But considering I’ve been going every four months, here’s my answer for today.

I want everyone to line up in the hallway when I arrive, Nurses, Doctors, techs, RTs. Stand in the hall and greet His Highness, please.

My antibiotics need to be ready to go the minute I arrive, no waiting four hours for the first dose.

The PICC line nurse needs to be waiting in my room and gowned up. No more temporary peripheral IV sites. I’m tired of the 24-hour IV site in the fatty part of my forearm that takes every o.z. of my inner reserve not to cry out like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart: FREEDOM . . . . . S**T, THAT HURTS.

I want a workstation. No more putting the laptop on the bed and pulling the chair up to it. Think Marriott.

I want a massage every day. You truly want me to feel better? Massage is the Disney Fastpass to good health and Heaven, my friend. Heaven. I’ll cough up mucus from 1969 if you do this for me.

No RTs. That’s right. Unless I can’t move my arms, give me all of the meds I need and come back in 14 days. I can do it myself, LIKE I DO EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE. Most of the RTs I know should be wearing brown UPS outfits because their only job is to deliver stuff.

So, what do you think?  What did I miss? Feel free to add some of your own in the comments section. It’s interactive today cause I’m feeling lazy and I have have to go wash the Bird (that’s guy code for Tran-Am).  🙂


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5 thoughts on “Post Battle Blues – Please add to the list

  1. [Editor’s note: Please don’t read this guest post from CFFatboy if you’re easily offended. Or, if you’re an RT. You’ll only get upset and never visit my site again and I’m trying to preserve the three readers I have. However, I like CFFatboy and his plain, tell it like it is attitude. I also think he does a good job expressing the anger that comes with CF and hospital stays. Thanks, J, for posting this. I relate. Peace.]

    I get pissed to high heaven in the hospital, so here’s my laundry list:

    If my insurance is paying out all of this unnecessary money for INDIVIDUALLY-WRAPPED enzymes when I take 7-8 with meals, you can friggin’ go down to the food court 50′ from the kitchen and bring me something I will actually eat to keep my weight up. Try Sbarros or Subway every day.

    Nurses, I know better than you do about anything related to my care than you will ever know. Don’t come in to check my pulse at 3am, you dolt. You know those sleep wrinkles you get from your sheets? My last 1-night stay, the RN came in and asked what those were and if they were normal – at 3:30am. This is the same RN who couldn’t draw my blood in 2 pokes at 3:35am and had to get a lower nurse to do it. I was in for observation AFTER a blockage. These things can both wait and be avoided completely. Make sure you have my doses correctly. You’ve almost killed me every time I’ve been in.

    Get your act together and make a decision about things in under 4 hours. When my IV dose is done, flush it immediately. I have a port – you can’t just stick me with another IV if you screw it up.

    RTs are a lower status than the nurses that change my bedding, I agree with you.

    I do NOT need a sponge bath if I’ve been there one night and am leaving at 10am. Pervert! I swear, if you don’t stop ogling me, mister…

    I can walk out of the hospital on my own. You forced me to walk in to the ER with grand mal cramps from my full-on jejunal blockage, sit in the waiting room for an hour, answer the same questions I did 3 months earlier, AND walk 1/8 mile to my ER room for the next 12-18 hours.

    Give me my @#%#$ warm gastrografin enema. I am a straight, happily married man. I don’t get my jollies from having a 1″ thick tube that inflates in my colon shoved up my butt and pumped with 3 litres of fluid, you morons. Don’t bother taking photos, either. Fill me up, drain me out, and let me sit on the crapper for 10 minutes and let me get the heck out of Dodge.

    Is it too much to ask for you to follow through with my repeated directions to call my CF doctor in his own hospital when I’ve been there for 36 hours? Word has it that he gave two entire teams of doctors and nurses (ER and “CF-ish” floor) the lecture of their careers after I was discharged and called him the next day to ask if he was ever notified.

    • It was good to get it off my chest. All of that fury didn’t fit on the hospital survey they sent me in March for my December 19th stay for my blockage; my second in 3 months at the same ER, at my CF center.

      • While I laughed hard at your comments, I felt your pain. That’s why I enjoyed you post so much. Most people have no idea what it’s like to go in the hospital once, let alone several times a year. It seems like a lot of my visits result in me having another problem to deal with like c-diff or a blood clot when I leave. Thanks again for posting.

      • This list is the EXACT reason why I don’t go to the hospital, other than the ER once every 5-10 years. There would be a shortage of nurses in Tampa if I had to do a hospital stay for as often as I was on IVs in the last 4 1/2 years.

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