Pre-op appointment

When I go to Hell, I’ll spend my days filling out medical forms. That’s right. One after another, all day long.

Please list your meds. (But I have a list with me.)

Have you fallen in the last 90 days? (Does being drunk count?)

Please list all past hospitalizations and dates. (Are you kidding me? I’m at the hospital where all of them occurred. Look them up. What do people here use these computers for? Solitaire?)

I’m a bad patient. It’s how fast and how little I can write on these forms to complete them in record time that matters.

I feel like I should get a pass by writing, “CYSTIC FIBROSIS,” across each page, which would result in the nurse saying, “oh, you have CF. Well then, you don’t have to fill out any of this crap. See you the morning of the surgery.”

So, next week the hole in my stomach will be gone. I asked my wife if she wanted to stick her finger in it before it’s gone, but she declined. Chicken.

The night before the surgery, I have to take a shower and then use special cleaning wipes to wipe down my entire body and kill the harmful pathogens. I hope they work on me. They should have given me extra ones.

I watched some youtube videos of hernia surgeries. Yuk. I’ll be asleep – thankfully.

I hope I don’t wake up with a window in my gut like a cow. That would be bad.

Until next time.


3 thoughts on “Pre-op appointment

  1. Hernia repair is not so bad (I’ve had it done), but with your luck they might lose something in there. Write a note across your stomach reminding them not to leave their toys laying around in there and to pick up after themselves.

    In all seriousness, I hope it goes as smoothly as it should and you are healed in no time.

  2. Ugh! I hope all goes well. My husband had a hernia repaired, along with getting his gall bladder out in January and the recovery was actually smooth for him. Of course, he’s not a CF mutant. He also never asked if I wanted to stick my finger in the hole before it was closed up 😦 I absolutely would have taken him up on it! Keep us posted on how it goes. If you can’t write, make sure Fox gives us an update!

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