[Written with British words to make it easier for my two mentally challenged British readers to understand. You know who you are.]
After three weeks of using a treadmill desk, my arse is so ripped you could shoot it with a gun and the bullet would bounce off. I have a rear-end Superman would be jealous of.
Go ahead, shoot me in the rear. Nothing’s gonna happen. It’s like rock. I look just like this now, but without the curly cement hair, which looks a lot like a brain popping out of his head. © PRILL Mediendesign – Fotolia.com
Actually, I’m not writing this post while walking. I’m too tired because I walked 12 miles yesterday in just over six hours, and 10.5 miles today.
Five minutes ago, I was stretching on the floor and it was hard to get up. It feels like the first week again, but only because I’ve upped the speed to 2.0 mph, and sometimes 2.5 mph.
And I’m feeling every mph of the increase and wishing I could rip the cap off of bottle of Motrin and take it all, pills falling out of my mouth like broken teeth. All because I’m a madman and want to see how far I can push myself.
Working on the treadmill is better than I ever thought it would be, as I don’t have a lot of other ways to move during the day. And I’d never go outside and walk 12 miles all at once. Bor-ing. But doing it in the background as I work, which I have to do, well, it’s awesome for someone like me. And I feel like it’s helping my conditioning.
There are only two downsides that I can see so far:
- I drink a lot of water and thus visit the loo more often.
- Now that I’ve upped the speed, I sweat more and get hot and have to strip down to my boxers and running shoes, which made my wife turn her head today. She noticed the man musk too. If I didn’t have to work, an Axe commercial might have played out in my office. I’m irresistible in black and blue labrador boxers and orange/gray running shoes.
My weight is still the same, but it could be because I eat a lot of crunchy Cheetos or M&Ms mixed with gummy bears while walking. Or it’s the steroids I just finished. I’m trying to cut down on the snacks.
That’s it for tonight. I plan on sleeping like a baby – A BABY WHO JUST WALKED 10.5 MILES! Oh, yeah, I’m awesome like a possum.
The Unknown Cystic 
Awesome indeed!
Dear Madman of LAShire,
The gun and bullets is way too American and falls down when your supposed to be writing in British for me and our mate to understand.
I will only be impressed when you can crack walnuts between your arse cheeks!
Sir Sean
Sir Sean of swords and knife fighting,
Yes, guns and bullets are very American. But how can we continue to keep the British from attacking us again if we don’t have our guns? Can’t let our guard down lest England tries to take us back.
UC
That’s brilliant! (Thought I’d follow the English theme there) I’m looking forward to walking ridiculous distances on my own soon-to-be awesomely homemade treadmill desk. Your article made me laugh, thanks 🙂
Claudia,
Thanks for reading and the comment. My advice to you is take it easy the first few weeks. It’s deceiving. It feels like nothing the first hour of the first day, but by the end of the day, oh, my. Legs hurting, tired. But after the first two weeks, it starts to rock. I am walking between 8 and 12 miles a day now, whereas I walking 4 or 5 at first.
Best of luck to you and happy treadmill desk walking,
UC
making me feel bad about only walking to the fridge
OnlyZzzzzzzz,
At least you’re not walking to the fridge to eat a big piece of red meat or bacon.
UC
I’m gobsmacked! Seriously, that’s an ingenious idea. Hope you will see many health benefits from the walking. And hope the work hours drop soon. That’s crazy.
Mal,
Gobsmacked. Haven’t heard that for some time. Glad it happened to you and not me. But know that I am writing this comment very quickly while walking at 1.5 mph and I’m on my 8th mile of the day.
Good to hear from you,
UC
I was laughing so hard when I read this!!! Loving it! I want my own treadmill-desk but don’t have your woodworking skills (or a wife to get pissed at the sprinklers going on while lacquering the table :))