How men treat my wife when I’m not around

My wife pulled into a gas station talking on the vehicle’s hands-free phone system. She parked at the far pump, turned off the engine, and transferred the call to her handset. She had just come from the hospital where her mother had spent the night with chest pains and was talking to her sister about how they would support her in her golden years.

What if I showed up in dressed like the Captain and delivered some bone crunching pain?

The gas station wasn’t crowded and a man in his 40s driving a red BMW convertible pulled up behind her. While she was on the phone in the car, the man came over and looked in the driver’s side window and gave her a disapproving look. She got out and pumped her gas and spoke on the phone while Mr. Bimmer gave her more of the looks you’d expect from someone with the job of policing the use of cellular phones in a restricted area.

He finished pumping his gas, got back in his BMW, backed up and as he drove away in the safety and comfort of the Bimmer’s leather cockpit, he yelled, “get off the f***ing phone” and continued driving. If only my wife ran as fast as the Flash and carried a machete.

Now wherever my wife and I drive in the general area where we live, I look for this man. And whenever I see a red 3-series BMW convertible, I ask my wife “Is that the guy?”

And one day she is going to say “yes, that’s the guy” and I’m going to etch, “She’s off the phone, knucklehead,” on the hood of his car.

This story is one of dozens my wife has of angry men who feel compelled to unleash some of that anger on my wife .

There was the aging rock star at the grocery store who used his cart to block her from passing in the aisles and laughed about it as he followed her around the store, and the grocery worker who gave her a hard time about getting past him while he was stocking shelves, and numerous other guys flipping her off while driving when they were the one in the wrong.

And there are the men in cars who expose themselves to her when she runs in the morning, which is an odd but true fact of L.A. that there are naked guys driving around in the wee hours of the morning enjoying the feel of cloth seats on their bare bottoms.

This is my favorite cereal. Oddly, I couldn’t find it on the General Mills web site. Are they not proud of creating and selling the world’s greatest cereal? Or, it is really bad for me, which may explain a lot?

And they’re all on my list. And one day, I’m going to find them and hope it’s in the last hours of my life and I can use the gun I finally broke down and bought to shoot them in the knee caps, an injury they’ll remember every time they take a step for the rest of their lives.

My wife once asked: “why doesn’t this stuff happen when you’re around?”

Hmm, let me guess. It doesn’t because these guys wouldn’t say anything like that with another man around.

One day, I dream I will be with her at the grocery store – though I hate going there – and I’ll be out of sight when some a-hole blocks her way with a shopping cart in the cereal aisle. And I will walk around and witness it.

And you, my dear friends, will get to see the black & white security-camera footage on youtube.com with the title, “Man forced to eat 5 boxes of Captain Crunch in grocery store brawl.”

And to think he ate them box and all without the aid of milk. Amazing.

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4 thoughts on “How men treat my wife when I’m not around

  1. I once had a female friend who decided to confront a guy who flipped her off and spit on her window as he passed because she was driving too slowly (that would be the speed limit). He was also driving a BMW (do we see a theme here?) This friend was really crazy and the WRONG person to mess with. I guess that day, she had hit her max on BMW driving douchebags. At the next red light, she actually got out of her car, walked over to his, opened his driver side door, and said, “Do you really want to have this out?” He was stunned and shocked and began to apologize. Pussy. I love how brave men think they are until it’s not so easy to get away. For some reason he put his car in park, turned it off, and pulled out the keys, She grabbed the keys and threw them into the intersection and got back into her car. He called her a whore and she replied, “Oh, THAT’S original!” While I thought what she did was crazy and stupid, I felt so much satisfaction for all of us women who’ve been treated that way. I feel that even as I write about it now 10 years later. That friend really was crazy and I could not continue our friendship. But I sure loved that about her. I struggle with wishing I was that brave and being grateful that I’m not.

    I hope my story brings you a little satisfaction too.

    • Margie,

      Sorry about the late reply. I’ve been buried with work and posts.

      Thank you for posting the story and making it a part of my blog. I liked reading it the first time and now. It did make me smile. The challenge in LA, as you know, is choosing to fight back and finding out the guy has a gun. I tell my wife not to engage. Ignore them.

      UC

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