Guilt, Secrets and Hiding Your Blog

It’s not easy to hide a blog from your wife.

I’ll be writing a post and there she is at the door. Thank you to the inventor of tabbed browsing. Click, I’m on Yahoo! or craigslist.org. However, after yesterday’s post that included her, I’m feeling guilty about keeping this blog a secret. Yes, it’s for my daughter, but my wife may find it more interesting, at least in the short-term. Or, maybe she won’t.

There’s another reason for my guilt tonight. My wife bottles up a lot of emotion about my health. Today, I was about to suggest she check out blogs written by spouses of those of us with the disease with no name because I’m mad at it tonight. Then, I had a flash forward to her walking into my office and saying “you wouldn’t believe this butthead called the Unknown Cystic.” “Well, Honey, I might.”

Or worse yet, and in a Lucy voice,Β “Ricky, you got some explaining to do before I smash your blogging hands andΒ rip out your deceiving heart and feed it to the damn German Shepherd you made us get.”

I do feel I made the right decision charging ahead with this blog, alone. That’s my gut feeling. I’m not sure the posts would have been the same, as raw, as frank. (Remember, I didn’t say “as good,” as my wife is an excellent editor.) But up to now, I’ve felt guilt free. Not tonight. Tonight I’m feeling guilty about keeping a secret from the woman who has been through so much with me, and made me someone who can get invited back to a friend’s house after a dinner party.

It will be interesting to see what she thinks when she reads this one day. Hopefully, I won’t be around to get the ass-kicking of a lifetime. But she’ll track me down no matter where I am, eventually. I hope.

[Honey, Love, love, love you. With frosting on top and gummi bears. Remember, forgiveness of crazy people is always the right thing to do.]

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19 thoughts on “Guilt, Secrets and Hiding Your Blog

  1. Look! I changed my commenting name just for you. πŸ™‚

    Not that you asked, but I was thinking about your scenario of “secret blogging” the other day…

    On the one hand, it allows you full disclosure that you might not otherwise have. If your wife was reading this blog right now, would you have written all the stuff you’ve written? It’s like you said a few posts ago, clicking that publish button is hard when you question what you’ve wrote. I can’t say I haven’t stopped just short of the click and re-worded a post or two.

    On the other hand, what will she think when she reads it? It’s a variable you can’t predict. The only way to kind of know how she would react is to have similar conversations with her after you’ve written your blog posts for the day or week or whatever the time frame. That way the blog keeps it’s integrity and you don’t have this guilt…or you have less of it.

    I’m kind of doing the same thing on my blog. I want to publish a book from my blog about my life for my friends and family to read. That way they’ll remember who Josh is (in my own words) long after I’m gone.

    The difference between your blog and mine is you are funnier and better writer than I am and my blog isn’t a secret.

    Peaceful things, “Unknown Cystic of Parts Unknown.”

    J-Man

    • J-Dude of J-Dudeland,

      Okay, let’s get this straight. First, never compare yourself to other writers. Not pineapples to pineapples. We each have our own voice and style. I can’t write the way you write about what you write about. And god knows a monkey locked in a Red Bull Factory overnight could best anything I’ve every written. So, don’t compare – your voice is unique and a fingerprint. One more thing, a lot of great writers have great editors. Not everything comes out the way we think it does. It helps to have a second set of eyes. Just get it down on paper.

      Cool idea about writing a book. Do it. Start tomorrow. Write it. Or let the orange dude write it for you, about you. How crazy would that be? (Probably something I would do. Ignore the suggestion as you were going to anyway.)

      Best regards,

      Mr. T’s biggest fan.

  2. I can see this from two points of view:

    From the wife side: I’d probably kill my husband for keeping this from me. Sad, but true. I would feel like I was missing out on a very important part of who he is.

    From the blogger side: If I had to do mine over, no one would have ever known about it….no one in my family at least. I censor myself constantly because i dont want to upset people or hurt people and it leads to a lot of “writers block” and generic posting which limits the whole purpose of the blog to begin with. it just sucks.

    Hopefully one day, when she finally gets a hold of your postings, she will see it for what it is…..a journal, your story, in your words, uncensored…..and she will see it for the beautiful piece of you that it is…….

    She seems like an amazing lady…..Im sure she will understand.

    My best to you and your 2 lovely ladies ~j

    • Juli,

      You scared me just saying you’d kill your husband. I hope I never piss you off. It’s that LA spirit of yours.

      I bet it’s difficult having people you’re close to reading it. I would censor too. Time to start a new blog and keep it to yourself and a select group you trust.

      I think she will understand too. Hopefully, it will feel like a gift I gave her and she’ll meet all of you. She has my permission to post a picture of me when I had washboard abs. I don’t mind that one as long as she photoshops a bag on my head.

      UC

  3. UC, here is my otter pop to you:
    If I were your wife, I’d be more upset with the fact that you didn’t share the blog with me, than with anything you could possibly write. Share it, and she’ll fall even more in love with you, I bet. (Although you might want to wait a few days until the whole lice thing calms down a bit).

    I understand what you mean about censoring yourself. I was stressed about what my parents would think when they read the post that contained “angelina jolie’s panties”. It wasn’t really about sex, but still; I’m pretty certain they think that my daughter was immaculately conceived. I just take a deep melodramatic breath and tell my self “THIS is the life of an artist.” To hell with what anyone thinks.

    • Lizi,

      It would be really hard to fall in love with me anymore because I’m super irresistible – think of a sun and magnet together. Well, that’s me. Can’t love me anymore than that. She’d burst into flames if she did.

      Regarding the panties post, I vote for making it an ongoing series of famous people’s underwear. I’ll read it. It wasn’t about sex? Nevermind on the series idea.

      I agree on the to hell with what anyone thinks. I think.

      UC

  4. I cannot believe it. It being, of course, that you got a German Shepherd. As to the other “it” — keeping your blog secret from your wife — I can’t believe that one either. She must think you buy and sell a LOT of stuff on craigslist. Do you, like, stockpile random used goods in your garage to keep up the illusion? Even if I tried, my wife would find mine before I finished writing the first entry. Having said that, she hasn’t yet discovered the “it’s a funny story” felony I committed in Idaho. Oops.
    Seriously though, I vote for telling her. She’ll be mad it you for a while. But if you wait longer, or she finds out on her own, she’ll be mad it you for a LOT longer (I have this strange thing about writing “lot” in all caps). Just make her think your secret is really bad, like an affair, and then when she learns it’s a blog, the blows will be lessened. Either that or as you tell her start crying … a LOT.

    • S,

      You’re back. Regarding the German Shepherd, not yet. I put the reference in because I was speaking in the future and it was an “in” joke, which clearly you were smart enough to get. Shepherd talk has been replaced with “strip down, bend over, I have to inspect for lice” talk. Once the infestation goes away, we’ll get back to dog talk.

      I do buy a lot of stuff on CL. I’ve furnished our house with other people rejects. And I’m proud of the money I’ve saved and how green we are. Yes, something tells me L would catch you. Just my gut feeling.

      Regarding Idaho, the episode of cops is long out of circulation. Don’t sweat it. Plus, doesn’t L dig men with a past?

      Thank you for your vote. Unfortunately, I have two votes. Oh, you’re out voted. I just raised both of my hands in favor of keeping the blog secret. Thank you for your input. πŸ™‚

      What is she going to do when she finds out? Glue my ashes back together? Hmm, she might. Yikes. Better give her instructions to toss me in the ocean, not keep me in the cupboard.

      BTW, in a real life without CF, I’d like to think the four of us could hang out and play board games once in awhile. We’d all laugh when I fell over drunk and you guys placed me in the dumpster at the local McDonald’s overnight and posted the pics on my blog. We could be your friends, the ones with lice and a trailer home. Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

      UC

      • I’m going to ignore the fact that there’s a barb somewhere inhere with my name on it to tell you: S and I seriously talked about how fun it would be to do a game night with you guys.

        But first you’ll have to tell your wife how you found such loyal, fun, gorgeous friends, who already adore both of you and your lice ridden trailer home.

        The part of you falling over drunk and us putting you into a dumpster was my second belly laugh of the day- jackpot. Thank you.

  5. Since I’m a woman and we tend to stick together, I have to say that I’d definitely be pissed if my husband hid such a huge part of himself from me. I’d be hurt and it would probably take me a long time to get over it.

    That said, I don’t really have room to talk because I think I have the best of both worlds – my husband knows my blog exists but he doesn’t read it. I feel like that gives me the liberty to talk about him (or anything I want, really) and he can’t get upset if he ever DOES read it because, technically, I haven’t been hiding anything.

    My online life (not just my blog) is very different from my real life in that it’s basically the only thing I do alone. My husband is very much a part of my life in so many aspects, and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but THIS is MY thing and I won’t lie – it’s really nice that I get to do it alone. Does that make me a bad wife?

    • Holy crap, Jenny…it’s the same with me. My hubby knows about my blog, but I think he’s only peeked at it once. He lives it, so he has no interest in reading about it again later.
      My online life is also exclusively mine and I’m happy as a clam about that fact…
      So UC, I have no valuable advice to give. I can see both sides of this one.

      • Stacey of Confessions of a Cyster,

        Your online life is exclusively yours except for the thousands of people who read it. Kidding. I get it. When you start writing about the hopeless Browns, he’ll start reading.

        BTW, there are no “both sides.” There is only my side, and my side is always correct. So says me. Case closed.

        UC

    • Jenny,

      Don’t tell me you’d be pissed. I don’t want to hear that. πŸ™‚ Argh. Please, you’d get over it right away. And you’d love your husband even more because he was such a cool dude to do something like that and carry it off. He’s awesome, you’d say, I can’t stay mad at the lug. See, that’s how I see it.

      How lucky are you he doesn’t read it and you can post anything you want. Nice. You are the Queen of getting your way – congrats.

      You’re a great wife. You told him you were blogging and then told him to go away and leave you alone. Just what every husband wants so he can go watch football. Perfect. Still, I think you should have kept it a secret. πŸ™‚

      UC

  6. I personally think it’s an okay thing to have a safe place outside of your marriage to share you privvate story – but what do i know? I’m not married. You are dong the blog for you, not for her, and I think that’s okay. For all the intimacies we have to share that others don’t, with CF, I think it’s okay to have something that is just for you, for now.

  7. Don’t feel guilty, everyone needs their outlet and you don’t want to censor that as it would defeat the point. My blog is a diary of sorts, my stupid little dramas which are nothing compared to what a lot of people have going on but I need to vent and as such I have only told 3 people I know in ‘real life’ where my blog is and they are people that I live far away from so it is a means to keep up to date/in touch.
    Everyone needs a degree of privacy and time to themselves in life

    • Leoni,

      Today is my lucky day – I have a comment from a roller derby player. How cool is that. And one that digs my current favorite band, Mumford & Sons. Even better, though you may not want to listen to them now if I do.

      I like your comment and the points you made because they line up exactly with mine. The blog is my place to let off some steam.

      Thanks for the visit and comment. I hope you post more about your experiences with roller derby. Very cool.

      UC

  8. Just a stab in the dark (since it might not be too bright under that sack) but I’m thinking a great lady like you have described in previous posts probably already knows your secret and is allowing you to keep going on with the charade. We wives/mothers have a finely honed sense of radar that generally alerts us when something is off or just not quite right. Don’t get me wrong, I understand your reasoning and even support it (well, about 90% of it anyway *chuckles to self*) I’m just not sure someone who was smart enough to marry you isn’t smart enough to see though you as well. πŸ™‚ Just a thought….

    • Sherri,

      You’re on the money about her being intelligent. She’s got the Master’s to back it up, with the only asterisk being she married me. Everyone screws up once in awhile.

      I’m 99.9 percent sure she doesn’t know about it. Fox has taught me how to be crafty. I also know she could not hold anything back if she found out and I would be in big trouble. I can tell when she’s bottling something inside. She has a terrible poker face.

      Thanks for the comment and visit.

      UC

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